June 20

With the Razorbacks back in the College World Series, I'm taken back to the last time they were in Omaha.  It was the day before Father's Day three years ago in 2009 and Christy, Caleb and I were on a "Business Vacation" to Orlando.  I was sitting on the couch in Rachel and Tim's condo waiting to drive to Cocoa Beach, FL.  Then I got a call from Rebecca.  She simply said "Dad died."  Pause...

Rewind from that a little over a year.  Caleb was about 4 months old and we and my parents went to visit my Grandmother Root in New York who was in a nursing home at the time.  Dad hadn't been able to eat well and had started losing weight.  He went to the doctor when he got back home and discovered that his problem was a rare form of cancerous sarcoma.  It was growing at the entrance to his intestines and wasn't letting food pass from his stomach.

It was at this point that I began praying to God that He would 1) heal my dad, if that was His will and 2) embolden me for time that I would have to ask him the most important question I would ever ask.  I would pray every day for this.  What God revealed to me through the Holy Spirit is that our physical death is promised by God in Romans 6:23, that "...the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Basically, because of Adam and Eve's sin against God, sin entered in to the human race through their offspring.  This is the reason why our flesh dies and that God and his Son, Jesus, live eternally.  God is fully holy and sin can not exist in His presence.  God the Father sent the Holy Spirit to conceive Jesus in Mary's womb so that He would be fully God and fully man.  Jesus took on the entirety of sin: past, present and ALL future sin that would ever exist and died (yes, actually and physically) because sin requires a perfect sacrifice for God to forgive it.  Jesus was and is the only perfect sacrifice because he was both fully God and fully man.  It is in this mystery (yes, even I don't understand why God chose this way, and as Romans 9:21 says, I have no right as a clay vessel to question my Maker) that I place my faith.  Not in man, for man will fail me because we are sinful.  So, all of this to say that God put in me a peace and comfort about my dying father.  I could have been upset that God allowed this to happen, especially to a "good man" like dad was, but that would have shown my faith in Christ was false.  For it is only through Christ's redeeming sacrifice that we can stand before a Holy God and be included as adopted children into the Eternal Kingdom.  Nothing we can do or accomplish will EVER be "good" enough to please God.  OK, fast forward to 2009...

Basically, surgery and chemotherapy didn't work and the cancer spread to his liver.  He went into the hospital a few days before we were leaving for Orlando and we went down to Little Rock to basically say goodbye.  Caleb was his usual 1 1/2-year-old self and running around the hospital room, checking out all the buttons on the room's air conditioner to make sure they worked properly.  I was able to say sit with my dad and remember my entire life with him.  I thought of the excitement I had when he would come home from work or from a business trip (I still vividly remember being able to stand at the airport gate to send him off and wait for his plane to return).  I remembered all the wonderful vacations we took as a family, seeing places we still talk about.  I recollected all those years of Scouts where we spent a lot of time together.  I knew this was going to be the last time I would see my dad and there was still one question about my him that I needed answering.  Pause...

You see, growing up, dad never led our family in worship, prayer or discipleship.  I can understand why, as his dad (who was also a "good man" I looked up to in admiration) said he "believed in Heaven and Hell as much as he believed in Santa Claus" and, thus, didn't have any guidance in such spiritual matters.  As a matter of fact, I never went to church when visiting my grandparents.  Something I overlooked growing up and never found important to ask about.  As a father, I am spiritually responsible for not just my own self, but also for the rest of my household.  I have had to learn how to do this which hasn't been easy, but has become the highest priority to me, personally.  So, the one question I needed answering was whether dad was truly saved for eternity.  I just had to know.  Resume...

So here was the moment I had been praying for over a year.  I knew of all people my dad would never lie to, I would (probably) be at the top of the list.  As I was holding his hand and sobbing softly, I said, "Dad, I have to know: Are you saved?"  He looked at me and said, "You don't have to worry about that."  That was the best feeling in the world, knowing that my dad would soon be embraced by Jesus and told "Well done, good and faithful servant" and invited to worship God in His presence.

I can't say that I miss him more and more every day as I get to watch my children grow.  Do I wish he were still here?  Surprisingly...no.  I know that he is truly where I'd rather be.  I look forward to the day when we will see each other and can worship Almighty God together.  Until then, I pray that God will direct me to be the best father I can be to my family, emulating God's relationship to His church through the only way to Him, Jesus.

I know that some will read this and either not understand or completely disagree with the theology presented, this includes some close family members.  I want you to know that I pray for you daily that God would reveal His Gospel in a fashion that would be clear to realize that all of us are sinners and fall short of God's glory and deserve eternal separation from Him.  I do not boast in my own salvation, for I obtained it through no work of my own, but through the mercy of God and the sacrifice of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am a sinner, too, (still) and need God's grace and mercy like everyone else.

I love you all.

In Christ,

Matt